Rainy Day Farewell

We meet again, on a rainy day…  We’ve been together for so many days that even rains hold so many memories.   

After the long silence with your usual frowning face, you utter, “You know you’re the one who broke up with me right?”  This time, I can firmly say “I did”.

After 5 years, I dreamt of you.   We had a long and meaningful conversation... It brought the same feeling as serious conversations we had that tugged my heart and where it reaches the very depths of my soul.

As usual you pointed out, what I missed and what I didn't understand.
You said "Don't you get it?.  We're different now.
Before we were lost in fear and surrounded by darkness, but now you only know love.
We've learned to see things in the light.  Even in the midst of our arguments, our anger, our struggle to defend our fears and our pride, we can no longer hold on to them as we once embraced them... instead we have developed the understanding to only see beyond and feel the our true nature with warmth and care.

We can't help it.  We've changed.  You've changed.  You have no more fears, no more hate, no more darkness... All you have is light.   You've earned it and live on."

I knew you were right.  I am different.  I am stronger.  And, I know I can go on because our experiences taught me.  You were always the better half.  And, I'm really the worse one you know.  I was just too spoiled.  Behind every person is another person who pushes them to be better.  For me, perhaps, the biggest catalyst aside from family is you. 

Thank you for your parting message...  I'm glad you found new love.  It's true, beliefs can change everything.  Change is the only thing constant and in order to survive we too can change our belief in love.  I'm sorry I lost my belief that we are meant to be.  Love is really only about that and never letting go.

“Belief, like fear or love, is a force to be understood as we understand the theory of relativity and principals of uncertainty. Phenomena that determine the course of our lives. Yesterday, my life was headed in one direction. Today, it is headed in another. Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today. These forces that often remake time and space, that can shape and alter who we imagine ourselves to be, begin long before we are born and continue after we perish. Our lives and our choices, like quantum trajectories, are understood moment to moment. That each point of intersection, each encounter, suggest a new potential direction. Proposition, I have fallen in love with Luisa Rey. Is this possible? I just met her and yet, I feel like something important has happened to me.”
― David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas 

Life goes on regardless.  I will continue to do my best... I hope I can be kinder, understanding, forgiving, wiser (even if not smarter)  and confident (but not proud).  In this life, I can only pay it forward to anyone else except you.  And maybe, just maybe, in the next life, I can pay you back.

Who Saved WhoBehind the door, inside the walls
Sinking under the weight of it all
This old house is bound to fall
Can you hear me, can you hear me call?
Little did I know when I was reaching out
To help you
I was just as much in need of a rescue
Tell me who saved who, now?
If I showed you my old scars
My war wounds, my broken heart
Would you let down your iron guard,
Your armor, show me who you are
Little did I know when I was reaching out
To help you
I was just as much in need of a rescue
Tell me who saved who, now?
Tell me who saved who, now?
Love is devotion
It's more than emotion
It reaches in and it pulls us out
It lives in the moment
That can't be stolen
The more you give it just comes back around
Little did I know when I was reaching out
To help you
I was just in need of a rescue
Tell me who saved who, now?
Tell me who saved who, now?
Tell me who saved who, now?


(Revisited nth time)