Dear Stacy,
If you’re reading this then I must have been gone for a few months now. How strange that you’ve yet to seek my aid as your most devoted adviser. Was I not the one who was always by your side consoling and counseling you?
You would always rely on me since you were a helpless child. Do you still remember those time you were all alone because you couldn’t stand being around others? You hated to be influenced by their energy and presence. You got overwhelmed when it became too crowded, noisy, or bright and you experience shivers, blurred vision, and ringing in the ears. You would rather shut yourself from the world and confide only with me.
But things changed when you found more pleasurable pursuits. Our encounters became more and more brief.
But then the lockdown happened, you were left with no one but me, and so we were able to reconnect. And just like old times, we were able to pick up where we left off. You let me linger on and on about:
1. Your stagnant career.
You weren’t aggressive enough to demand for the required training for promotion. You didn’t apply for Master degree scholarship when you had the chance. It’s your fault that you’re left in stagnation while your peers, friends and relatives are progressing with promotions and business success.
2. Your Stubborn Pursuit for Passion
Your blogger friends already quit. Yet, you’ve stubbornly continued your blog for the past 10-years without purpose or direction. You just couldn’t accept that: (1) there has been a preferential shift from written to video content and (2) blogs only serve as a mass media marketing medium without any room for personal creative writing.
3. Your Worthless Life.
You are bound to a pitiful and lonely life as a “leftover lady”. What a failure! You’re not “worthy”, “privileged” or “desirable” enough to be asked for marriage. You failed to meet the biological parameters and social standards in terms of (1) beauty and (2) fertility that will further diminish as you age.
During that time you had to stay isolated inside your room under the suspicion of having COVID, with no gaming computer, stable internet or food supply, I knew there was no way for you to:
- mentally transport to your online fantasy world; or
- be in “The Zone or Flow State” (where you have an undisturbed and intense focus for the task at hand that nothing can distract you)
this time so it was the perfect time to reinforce our bond.
You were so guilty that your carelessness, selfishness, weak immunity and stupidity in failing to sufficiently sanitize was to blame for the emotional gloom around the household that you could feel seeping through the confines of your room.
Your life has always been useless and your body has always been weak. Day in, day out, you moved through routines on autopilot. You’ve had migraines, body aches and stiffness all over. You’ve felt heavy, drained, fatigued and short of breath. You’ve been disassociated and distracted by day dreams and inner dialogues. You’ve been seesawing between oversleep and no sleep since high school due to your online gaming addiction. At work, you’ve been relying on caffeine and endless munching on sugary and fatty foods to keep you awake and take you to “The Zone or Flow State”. This has been your comfortable cycle to numb, repress and shut off your fragile and sensitive feelings. You’ve been so dispirited, deflated and daunted by the thought of reaching your demise. It was only a matter of time, before you submit yourself to me and allow me take charge.
I never thought that you would instead choose to pray and meditate. Soon enough, you awoke, oozing with self-confidence and self-acceptance. And, with high hopes and motivation, you also physically recovered faster.
For the first time ever, we argued as you told me that you never want to live your life under my influence again. I didn’t understand how you found everything clearer without me. You said a lot of things like:
- How you now appreciate the power of human connection (even through online and social media platforms) which abides by the natural law of attraction that “like attracts like”;
- People who share the same interest appreciate and support one another; and
- People can accomplish things that they desire so you go on doing what you want to do despite the uncertainties.
I had no choice but to lurk around and watched as things unfold on the sidelines. As expected, things turned out to be harmoniously fruitful. So boring!
You’ve been receiving requests for collaboration with start-ups and small business who shared your belief that social media is the perfect platform to jumpstart and promote their businesses. They are even considerate enough to allow you to align your time for passion with your busy professional schedule.
With proper timing and preparedness for each project, you were able to purposefully use your positive and passionate energy and sensitivity to boost your creativity. You creation reflects your insights and essence whilst respecting and highlighting the identity of your subject.
Seeing how you haven’t missed my presence since then, I’ve decided to prolong my vacation! I look forward to the time you’ll allow me to take us over on another heart-thumping adventure.
Excitingly yours,
Your Fear and Anxiety.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This story is an entry to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite
Blogging Project Season 2: Dear Survivor”. The initiative continues to
respond to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during
this period of crisis. The initiative aims to pull and collate
powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the
nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. The
“Write to Ignite Blogging Project” Season 2 is made possible by ComCo
Southeast Asia, with Eastern Communications and Jobstreet as
co-presenters, with AirAsia and Xiaomi as major sponsors, and with
Teleperformance as sponsor.
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